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My first real job out of college was the ideal scenario for me. It was a company that I loved, the culture was a perfect fit for me, I was empowered by my managers, and I excelled in the areas of my influence. The company grew to a point where our founders decided to sell. Not surprisingly, with the sale came some staffing shifts, so I volunteered to temporarily shoulder a particularly burdensome responsibility on top of my regular duties, until a new person could be hired. We already had approval for the new hire, and I was told they would be interviewing for the position within a few days.
“I don’t know what to write. Most people who read this won’t know who I am, so why would they care about my experiences?” These are the thoughts I’m having as I write this article about anticipating failure. Ironic, don’t you think?
I had just laid my head down to go to sleep when my cell phone rang. It was my friends roommate, telling me that my friend was suffering from a panic attack and she didn’t know what to do. I sat up, got dressed and drove over to their apartment building to find my friend frozen with fear, sitting in the front seat of her car. She couldn’t speak in full sentences, and each word she was able to force out of her quivering lips was difficult to understand. But through her shaky communication, I was able to piece together what had happened.
I have really come a long way.
Back in the depths of my addiction, only 3 years ago now, I was depressed because I was distant from my friends, had no connection with girls and was engaging in this unwanted behaviour frequently. Read more…
Just wanted to let you know that the long slow development of brain-circuitry necessary to help me change habits which have been with me for almost 40 years (in regards to masturbation) and over 13 years (in regards to viewing pornography with some regularity) has been slowly happening. I’ve been practicing Candeo principles diligently for almost two years. Read more…
We get asked a lot about how to tell if you or a loved one is addicted to pornography. We even came up with a Self-Test so individuals can assess the severity of their behaviors. We decided to also make up an infographic that is a little more shareable. Let us know what you think, share it with your friends, and we hope it helps.
When a person first is exposed to pornography or sexual behaviors it is often done through curiosity. However, due to the high amounts of addictive neurochemicals that are released, particularly with internet pornography, it can quickly become addictive. Students in the Candeo program report going from curiosity, to using it recreationally, then as a source of self-medication, and some to dependency. With dependency, a person’s brain starts viewing these behaviors as a necessity — such as food and water. They also report that they found themselves needing it more and more – just as it was a drug. And they found themselves being led to other types of risky sexual behaviors — which put their physical and mental health in danger, as well as damaged their relationships.
I just have a little insight that I wanted to share.
Recently I went ice skating. I hadn’t done this since I was a kid, so I didn’t think I’d be very good at it. However, I took to it very easily – much better than a lot of my friends who came along. I realised as I watched their approach that the main difference was that once I accepted that I was certainly going to fall at one time or another, and that it wouldn’t actually be so bad, I was able to let go of the wall, lean forward and really get into the feeling. Read more…
Because of the “all or nothing,” “perfection or failure” mindset many sex addicts tend to have, it’s easy to get caught in the insidious trap that tells you, “I have to overcome this right now, once and for all!” When struggling individuals first begin applying the principles found in the Candeo program, many quickly experience a level of initial recovery success. Then, when this success doesn’t last, they can become discouraged and even hopeless. As a veteran of this rollercoaster ride of temporary success/euphoria and relapse, I know how devastating it can be. One of the keys to recovery success with any addiction or negative behavior is to remember, “Recovery is a journey, not an event.”
Candeo Co-Founder, Dr. Bernell Christensen
As a therapist, I’m often asked, “Is sex a need or an appetite?” This is a great question and one that I’m going to answer with a simple response—”Yes”—it’s both.
As you will learn in the Candeo program, every human being is born with the capacity for sexual desire. It’s a basic instinct to sustain our own species through procreation. And just as important, we also have the innate need to experience deep connection and intimacy with another human being. Sexual thoughts and desires are very normal and natural. It’s only when these thoughts and desires become exaggerated, that they turn destructive.