"Is Porn Bad?" - The Negative Impacts of Porn, Masturbation and Sex Addiction

We all find happiness in life through the relationships we build. By caring for others, we find purpose. By being cared for, we feel valued and important. We become confident, empathetic, responsible, and socially aware. Through our relationships, we connect with the world and become contributing members of our communities. Perhaps this is why we value events that bring us together, such as holidays, parties, and church meetings. Even social activism (regardless of its focus) brings people together. We've found this to be universally true, gay or straight, black or white, athiest or Christian; we are social creatures.

The danger of sexual addiction is the damage it does to these relationships. It replaces real connections with cheap, self-centered indulgence in fantasy and delusion. Our brain becomes conditioned to depend on things that provide instant gratification, however fleeting it may be, and we withdraw from the people and places that don't give us this gratification. While all relationships are succeptible to the negative effects of pornography and sexual addiction, we'll address a few key relationships.

Marital Relationships
for the purpose of this article, we will use marriage between a man and woman as the example, but we're also addressing couples who are cohabiting but not married or couples of the same gender. The principles apply to all intimate relationships.

"Addiction to pornography is one of the most malignant forms of marital decay in our time." This is a quote by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, and accurately represents what we've seen in our clinics. He goes on to say, "It causes many husbands to be slowly weaned off an attraction to their wives as they pursue vulgar fantasy instead." Pornography and masturbation literally rewire your brain to a point where you prefer those behaviors over the sexual intimacy you experience with your spouse. And even though he mentions men, we've seen many women with the same problem.

A healthy sexual relationship is built on trust and love, and arousal only happens when someone feels safe and cherished. But when you're addicted to sexual behaviors, your brain craves the chemicals produced during sexual activity, rather than the relationship. Because you're focused on yourself, you don't notice the needs of your spouse. Because they feel uncared for, they will not be in the mood to have sex. And because you've learned to see your spouse as an object for gratification, instead of a person with emotional and physical needs, you look for this release outside your marriage. It's a vicious cycle that, unless halted and addressed, will inevitably destroy the relationship. 

Parent/Child Relationships

Pornography and sexual addiction is not just an individual or couples problem. It is capable of harming the emotional and sexual well-being of anyone exposed to it, especially children. As they grow, children learn from their surroundings. Exposure to porn and sex can lead to exaggerated perceptions of sexual activity as adults, such as sodomy, group sex, and bestiality. This exposure can also cause diminished trust of others and cynicism about love.

Outside of the effects caused by direct exposure, the relationship a child has with their addicted parent is damaged. Children grow up looking for heroes, and these heroes are often their parents. Have you ever watched a movie or TV show where you find out the person you thought was the good guy was really the villain the entire time? You feel shocked and betrayed. Multiply that by a thousand times and you might get a glimpse at what a young child feels when they learn their father or mother has a sexual addiction. They've lost trust in their hero, which can lead to trust and dependency issues, as well as introversion and low self-esteem.

Interpersonal Relationships

As mentioned earlier, porn and sexual addictions cause you to seek out instant gratification. Any relationship that isn't sexual becomes boring and unnecessary. So instead of finding happiness by loving others and being loved, you build your life around shallow and selfish non-relationships. You reach a point where you replace the potential for a real, healthy sexual relationship with a real person with pictures on a glowing screen or the purchased affection of a stranger.

Because the gratification you receive from porn, masturbation and hooking up with strangers is so short term, it takes more and more of it to make you feel "good." Eventually you drop all healthy relationships that don't feed your addiction, because you spend all of your time on your cravings. Many of our students tell us stories of losing their jobs and families because of their sexual addictions. The things that were once so important to us, become obstacles in the way of us getting our next fix.

As with any addiction, porn, masturbation and sex are difficult to overcome. They are literal drug addictions that require special attention and a proper understanding of the brain. We've worked with thousands of students who have successfully beaten their sexual addictions and rebuilt their relationships, so if you or someone you know is struggling with porn, masturbation or sex addiction, take a look at the Candeo program. You're not broken or beyond any point of no return.